Getting over your break up

By Love and Relationships Staff

Getting over a break up is tough. But you don’t need to be told that, you know it already. The good news is you can get over it. This article focuses on 2 important aspects of the HOW in getting over a relationship break up.

1. Understand what is going on emotionally

Whether you’ve pulled a muscle or ended a relationship, time is the best cure. It is however helpful to understand how what you can expect from a time based recovery. The grief process was been well researched and documented, and you can benefit from an understanding of how you are likely to react emotionally to a break up.

Stage 1. Denial

Immediately after a break up it is likely you will not want to admit that it’s actually happened. At this point you may be convinced that you can get back together.

Stage 2. Anger

Once you have moved through the denial stage your primary emotion will often change to anger. You may feel angry towards your ex and other people associated with them and the relationship.

Stage 3. Depression

It’s normal to be sad or depressed after a break up. In fact it’s a healthy reaction to a negative event in your life. However this stage shouldn’t last forever and it is at this point that you can take some of the positive actions below to make sure you don’t get stuck.

Stage 4. Acceptance

This is the resolution of the grief process. While you may not like what has happened you realise that it has and that it is time to move on. Continually taking the positive steps below will help ensure you reach this phase of the break up cycle.


2. Take actions to move on

The grief process as outlined above does take time. However there are some actions you can take at various points through the cycle to help the process along, and make sure you don’t get stuck. After a break up it is useful to formally plan these into your routine.

- Talk it over

Whether it’s your friends, family or a counsellor talking to someone supportive will help.

- Look after your body

Exercise releases chemicals which make us feel good and prevent depression, and eating well can also enhance our mood. And remember that alcohol is a depressant. It may feel good at the time, but even small amounts can affect your mood in the hours afterwards or the following day.

- Distract yourself

Do activities that you used to do before your relationship, or things you’ve always wanted to do. You may find it difficult to get the energy for these activities in the early stages, but persevere and they will eventually become more meaningful for you. While this isn’t necessarily an ideal long term solution, it can definitely help you get to the fourth stage of Acceptance more quickly.

- Keep a diary of the good things that are going on in your life

During times of struggle we can come to focus on the negative aspects of our lives in an unhelpful way. One way to come to appreciate the good things that are going on in our lives is to write them down. Do this consistently for a period of time and this will make you feel better about yourself and your situation.

There is no denying that break ups are difficult. If you aren’t finding it difficult then you’re not really human. But there is a way through, and by understanding the emotional processes involved and taking positive steps to help you to keep moving through the process you will come to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

One last thing. If it seems that you can't live without this person in your life and you would do anything to get them back, I highly recommend visiting The Magic Of Making Up and learing more about T.W. Jacksons incredible programme. Go well!

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best way Created by new delhi on 24/04/2011 13:56:08 2 things you should do after a painful breakup, Number 1: Accept the fact, no matter how hard it takes, it means full acceptance, acceptance will give you self-power, it will keep your spirits in order and will work in your favor, it is hardest of all, all other emotions are based upon it-anger, frustration, feeling of rejection (most boys get), another sub part of acceptance is to let him/her go. Number 2: Nothing should stop you to move on, it means to move on with your life but don't seriously engage yourself in a new relationship, it will not work, it is just a time replacement of what you miss, it is not the solution, after when you are completely recovered, you will find a new person, a better person, and give your heart to him/her, it will take some time though. Make life beautiful than it is currently now for you. New Comment Created by MoMo on 11/05/2010 20:56:52 Hey Ginny i know how you felt. i went through a dark period last year. and you know what did it for me? Jigsaws! yes jigsaws kept my hands busy so i wouldnt call or text him New Comment Created by Ginny on 11/05/2010 20:49:26 Im 18 years old.... I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of months ago..... It sucked!!! Im still struggling, thanks for the ideas... i will try them. I hope the pain stops soon. Post A Comment Your Name Title Comment New Comment Enter the code