Romeo and Juliet- would it have worked?

By Love and Relationships Staff

In Romeo and Juliet, the young lovers both decide they can’t live without each other, and a terrible sequence of events leads a double suicide. The tragedy of the deaths is all the greater because it is assumed that if these impressionable sweethearts had somehow dodged the fate of Shakespeare’s pen, they would have lived happily ever after.

But would it have worked out? Was the maniacal love they shared for each other the basis for a long and happy relationship? Well we don’t know. The Bard of Avon penned tragedies, and Romeo and Juliet weren’t destined to hit their twenties.

What we do know about relationships is that if they are going to survive and be successful and fulfilling for both partners they have to change, grow and develop from the early stages of possessiveness, lust and infatuation. These early stages are common and important, but they don’t make a relationship. In fact, the early signs should have been a warning bell that the star-crossed lovers might have been heading down a very rocky path indeed.

Romeo and Juliet both showed an extremely unhealthy level of what is known in psychological terms as co-dependence. Anne Wilson Schaef in “Co-dependence Misunderstood-Mistreated” describes co-dependence as an “addictive process.” She likens the dependence that some people feel for their lovers to an addiction to drugs, alcohol or gambling. In each case the person feels unable to manage without the other. They will often refer to and think of themselves as a unit rather than drawing on their own inner resources and asserting their personal independence. While it may seem romantic when you see a couple wearing the same clothes, eating exactly the same food and having joint viewpoints, this may be a sign that the couple has lost their own individuality. This can result in loss of the ability to make good and moral decisions, to get out of a potentially abusive relationship, and to live without the other. As in Romeo and Juliet, this may come to the fore at a time of tragedy, such as the premature illness or death of the spouse. A healthy reaction would be to grieve for a period of time, recover and then move on. However someone who could be classified as co-dependent could mourn for an exceptionally long period of time, and in some instances not be able to live without the other.

So would Romeo and Juliet have made it if Shakespeare hadn’t got to them first? Unfortunately we will never know. Their love for each other certainly tended toward the destructive and irrational, which ultimately lead to their demise. But while any good therapist would have grave concerns, there was hope that they and their relationship could have developed in a loving and fulfilling partnership. And that’s the tragedy.

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New Comment Created by starz on 21/08/2010 13:26:03 Infatuation is probably unhealthy - but it feels so good! Post A Comment Your Name Title Comment New Comment Enter the code