Rebuilding trust in your relationship after conflict

By Love and Relationships Staff

So you’ve had an argument and said something hurtful that you probably shouldn’t have?

This isn’t good, but you wouldn’t be the first person in the history of the world to do this. The question is- how can you go about making it right and rebuilding the trust you’ve put in jeopardy.

Look at the situation from their perspective. A relationship requires opening up to another person and putting faith in them. If your partner has allowed you in, then you’re in a privileged position. Don’t take it lightly. By saying something hurtful you have betrayed their trust and this isn’t good. Try to see how they may see the situation.

Apologise. You don’t have to call a press conference to apologise to your partner, but it does have to be sincere. And admit that you aren’t perfect. Nobody is perfect, and if you are reading this article you’re probably like me and have a good way to go.

Be honest. Tell your partner what they mean to you. If the relationship is built on solid ground, it should be able to recover from this setback.
 

Actions speak louder than words. Ask yourself the question: what do I usually do to show my partner I appreciate them? It might be cook a meal, take them out to their favourite spot on the coast, or even do the dishes.

Actions are for the long term, not the short term. In my work I see many couples go through cycles of argument, loss of trust, and treading carefully to rebuild the relationship. And then bam, just when things are starting to go ok, it all starts again. Over time this breaks a relationship down to the point where it is no longer functional. This cycle needs to be broken and that often requires hard work and self reflection. Sometime people manage this process themselves, but often in my experience they need a helping hand. Breaking this type of cycle can be addressed in counseling, to help people recognise what they are doing, see how they can change and provide support for this change.

All couples will argue from time to time, and it’s not uncommon for hurtful comments to be thrown around. This however impacts negatively on the relationship, and trust needs to be rebuilt. To do this it will help to look at the situation from the other person’s perspective, apologise and try to make up. However this way of acting in a relationship can become a pattern and that’s when the real problems start, as the relationship erodes more and more with each cycle. For the pattern to change the actions of one or both partners need to change. This may require a big shift in thinking and action, and counseling sessions may be useful in working through this process.
 

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