Get Off The Romance Merry-Go-Round: Stages of Relationships Explained
By Sienna Gillespie
Perhaps you have found that being with a girlfriend or boyfriend is very exciting and satisfying in the beginning. Very romantic and new. But it does not last, and if you think it should, maybe you are on a cycle of new relationships that last a year or so, then break up. If you want a relationship that lasts and really meets your needs, and where you can be special to that person, you need to get off the romance merry-go-round!
Here is where you can understand what is happening in your relationship by learning that there are several stages in an intimate close relationship with another person.
#1 - Romance Stage
This is also known as the honeymoon stage where everything you do or say or experience is wonderful. It is new, it is fresh, everything is exciting. As you are getting to know the other person, it is important to realize that both of you are hiding your flaws or quirks, both of you are trying to always put their best foot forward. And, you are both looking for reasons to love the other person, finding everything amusing and fun. Even the person's bad jokes seem interesting. Life is a big adventure at this moment. But remember - both of you are trying, maybe unconsciously, to be just what the other person wants. It's human nature.
#2 - Power-and-Control Stage
Oh dear - this is when the trouble begins, where certain things your partner does bump you and make you uncomfortable or angry or hurt. This is where all those little things that happen in a day or a month begin to be irritating. You both came into the relationship with past history of how you did things, how you decided things, what was important in areas like banking, meals, vacations, hobbies, etc. You had this scheme of things being the "right way", and so did your partner. Now you are both arguing, and not getting your needs met.
This is actually where you need to take a big step back, and think carefully about the fact that you are two different people in the relationship and your partner does not necessarily have to change to be like you. I suspect that if you are finding fault with your partner - those same flaws are likely ones you have too. That is why they bother you so much! Learn how to communicate so that you can see that most points of view are just that - a point of view - not a life and death struggle! Communication is the key here. Plus realize that each of you is now letting the "mask" off, and being more real about things. Being honest and yet learning to give in on things that simply do not matter - you both can learn this by recognizing the power & control stage of your relationship.
#3 - Self-Management-Only Stage
A big part of relationships is when you understand that you are only responsible for your half of a relationship and can only change yourself. Just yourself. You not only can't change the other person, it is a terrible waste of time and effort.
If communication with your partner through the #2 stage has helped you realize this important point, then that is great and your relationship will likely last. Here you are in a relationship where you know that you have to stop trying to change your partner. You are learning that you can appreciate the strengths and wonderful things that your partner brings to the relationship, and stop fussing about all the little things that simply do not matter. Don't be surprised if your partner and you flip back and forth between the #2 and #3 stages several times! This is normal. Hang in there if you want your relationship to last.
#4 - COMMITMENT Stage
Whew! Finally - You know that you want to be together, you have weathered all those power and control issues, and figured out that you can only change yourself. With all that, you know that you can make a great life-long partnership where you and your partner are really happy to be together. You can support your partner's dreams and goals while looking after yours, and you each have committed to having a life together. This is great, and yes, it takes work to get here!
The couples who think that the Romance stage is the only way to be in a relationship are missing out on the important lessons to be gained by these stages of relationships. They bounce around and keep trying with another person. Which only works for a year or so. If you take the time to learn about the different stages of a relationship, you can understand not only what is happening but also what you can do to avoid a relationship breakup.
There is so much more to learn about successful love relationships. Click Here Now, if you truly want a great relationship that lasts. Get the very best information possible!
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