
Intimacy in Marriage - What Does It Really Mean?
By Sienna Gillespie
There is a business side to marriage, a sexual/physical side to marriage, and there is an emotional/intimacy side to marriage. It is the intimacy side that will carry you both through when marriages hit challenges. What does that mean - intimacy?
If you are having any difficulties in your marriage, start now to learn to develop and strengthen the intimacy part of your relationship. Counselors find that a lack of intimacy is a very common problem in marriages that are unhappy or difficult, and in relationships that break up. Somehow the couple never learned what intimacy truly meant, and missed out on the emotional bonding that happens with intimacy. Think about this right now - is intimacy in your marriage, or not?
Here are a few ideas on how to strengthen intimacy in your relationship.
Share - a Very Important Aspect
Do you share your emotions, your worries, with your spouse? Or do you try to cope on your own, thinking that to be independent (a grown-up) means doing it all on your own? Mistake. Maybe you think you would just make your spouse worry too. So, what is wrong with that? If it is important, then share the worry - both of you are a unit!! Well, you need to share the good, the bad, and the ugly! Particularly if there is a problem situation you are preoccupied with - did you really think your partner doesn't notice you are distracted and closed-down somehow? They noticed, but they may have made an incorrect assumption - that you were deliberately shutting them out because you believe that they have nothing to offer, you don't need them. It may be a gender thing: guys tend to think things through before talking about a solution to their problem, while gals tend to talk things out and analyze things verbally before acting on a problem. Find a way to include your spouse in your emotional life... your worries, your thoughts about a situation, a challenge you are facing. The marriage will be enriched by your openness, and your willingness to show that you need your partner. Remember, intimacy is about a shared emotional relationship.
Time, Time, and More Time
I know - there is never enough time in a day. But a great way to develop more intimacy is literally to take time together. Just you and your spouse. Woo-hoo! Find a way to block off a few hours or more, to just have time with your partner. It is amazing how fun times with the two of you will make a huge difference in the level of intimacy in your marriage. Plus, it is a fabulous gift to let your partner know how important they are to you! Take time together. It can be a regular "date", or a random spontaneous once in a blue moon event. Have fun together.
Also - take time for the other half of your life. If you have a busy career, you may be neglecting the family side of your life. On the other hand, if your life is all about your children, your spouse may be feeling neglected and unnecessary. Take time to balance your life, and balance your marriage by showing your spouse how much you value them in your life.
Strengthening intimacy in your marriage will help avoid relationship breakups. This is not a one-time event - make the effort to increase the level of intimacy in your marriage. You will never be "done", there is no actual end point, but with enough intimacy your marriage will thrive in any set of circumstances.
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