Three simple words. That’s all we need to hear sometimes. But some men just can’t say them. It seems we are left waiting our whole lives to have the man of our dreams lock us in the eyes and say ‘I love you’. Why can’t he simply say those words?
Maybe it’s because he’s not sure you love him, because he thinks it’s not what a man does, or because he is simply scared. Or perhaps it’s because he doesn’t really love you. And that’s what we all fear, when he doesn’t say those three little words. But if you know how to identify the signs you will soon know if he loves you or not.
1. He finds excuses to be around you
This is particularly important at the start of a relationship. If a man starts turning up or calling you on the flimsiest of pretences, it’s a major sign that he’s interested. So why the pretences? They are way of protecting himself and his ego. And then if you do reject him, it’s okay for him. He can protect his ego by saying that was never really interested, he was only trying to help by offering to come over and help you construct that kitset bookshelf.
2. He makes time to spend with you alone
What is a relationship if you never spend quality time together. If he loves you, he will make the effort to spend time with you alone, because he is happy when he is with you. If you’re the option when he has nothing better to do, that’s not a good sign. That does not mean however that you should be together all the time as this puts too much strain on each other and the relationship. Keep meeting up with other friends, and let him do the same.
3. He does small, unexpected things for you
When he sees that you have a problem with your bike, or the couch needs fixing, or that you seem down, he tries to fix these problems. A number of psychologists suggest that men are geared to problem-solving. So when a man tries to help fix your problems, whether you want help or not, he is showing you in his way that he loves you. Sometimes this can be great when you come home and your bike has been repaired, or that you sofa no longer wobbles, it can also be pretty annoying when he keeps telling you how you should solve your problems. Either way, it’s his way of showing his love for you.
4. He seems happy and laughs when you are there
If his eyes blank over when you arrive or he looks bored when you there, things probably aren’t going well between you. All long-term relationships go through tough patches, but being happy just being with together is a sign that this is an enduring, loving relationship.
5. He tries to understand you
It’s as difficult for a man to understand a woman, just as it’s difficult for women to understand men. But if it seems like he’s really listening to you, if he really seems to understand you and to make you feel good about who you are, you may well fall in love with him. A number of men have learnt this, thanks in part to books by professional pick-up artists, so don’t be surprised if that amazingly genuine guy you met at the pub and slept with on the same night doesn’t get back in touch. On the other hand, if he keeps trying to understand you and to make sure you are happy long after he has ‘picked you up’, it’s a genuine sign he loves you.
6. He will watch Dirty Dancing and listen to the soundtrack with you
Many men secretly love the movie Dirty Dancing, but would never admit it to their mates. While it’s possible he’s using you as an excuse to watch it, it’s much more likely he is doing it because he really wants to spend time with you. And if he’s prepared to the listen to the soundtrack as well, it really means something. If he doesn’t already know half the songs, he’ll get used to it, he’ll probably even start liking it – but don’t wait around to hear that from him. If he could admit he liked Dirty Dancing, he would have already told you those three little words.
7. He is genuinely interested in you, even when you talk about the most banal subjects
Is it nasty to test a man to see if he really loves you? If he really does love you, he will feign interest in that new duvet cover you looked at buying in Farmers, but decided not to buy because you were worried the colour would fade. He might even ask questions to encourage you to keep going.
8. He finds your quirks cute
He knows that when you eat dinner together all the plates have to match. He finds it funny, he finds it sweet. And when he gets the plates out of the cupboard, he selects the ones that go together.
9. When he talks about the future, you’re in it
When he talks about his plans for the future, it is not I, I, I anymore. There’s someone else in it – you. If he keeps talking about holidays, about moving somewhere else, about buying a new car, or a house, and doesn’t talk about you in these situations – the alarm bells may start ringing, especially if you’ve been together for a long time. But don’t over-analyse, he may simply be anxious even to talk about you in the future, especially if he is scared you will leave him. If he doesn’t talk about you in the future, it might be good to try to talk to him about it.
10. He pretends not to see other women when you are there
Of course he noticed that woman whose breasts were spilling out of her top. But the fact he pretended not to is a sign that he loves you. He doesn’t want you to be jealous, he wants to show you that you are the woman he wants to be with.
11. He tells you the lies you want to hear.
If you ask if he ever thinks or dreams about other women, he will tell you no. It’s a lie, but that’s what you wanted to hear. And if you’ve stacked on a few kilos, he’ll either not mention it, or tell you how sexy you are to him.
12. He wants you to meet his family and friends
Wanting you to meet his family and friends is one of the biggest signs that you are an important part of his life. He is proud to be with you, he wants the other people in his life to know how important you are to him. If you let him invite you to meet his friends and family, rather than pressuring him into it – you will know if it is what he really wants.
12. He’s prepared to go shopping with you
It’s a cliché that few straight men enjoy shopping with women – but it’s pretty much true. Particularly when it’s for clothes or shoes. If he’s prepared to do that, he must really want to spend time with you.
13. His body language tells you
You can see it when he speaks to you. His body is turned into yours, he looks you in the eyes, he makes sure he holds physical contact with you, or touches you on the arm to get your attention, when he simply could have said your name. Try to see what he is like when he talks about you to other people – does he look happy, does he smile at the thought of you.
14. He’s prepared to eat those ‘healthy’, low-fat foods you buy
Most men don’t really buy into the low-fat thing, they think it’s for women and they know it tastes bad. So if he’s happily sitting there eating a salad and with a mountain of low-fat dressing on it – he must really love you. But be careful, there are other women out there sticking to the old wives tale: the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. These seductresses keep putting high-fat, meat heavy meals in front of men until they get what they want.
These are just some ways that a man can show that he loves you. Sure it would be nice if they just said it every now and again. But even if he does say those words, it’s his actions that really count. Remember that every man will show how he really feels about you in his own ways. If you have a good relationship, you will realise over time how he shows you he appreciates and loves you. It’s really about learning to understand how he is as a person, how he reacts in different situations, how he talks with you without even saying a word, rather any preconceived conceptions that you may hold as to how your perfect man should be.
Author tips:
If you are dating or in a relationship and want to learn more about what it takes for a man fall to madly in love with you, check out the website of Bob Grant called www.womanmenadore.net. Bob is a highly experienced relationship counsellor and the tips and advice he offers are amazing!