Rebound relationships

By Love and Relationships Staff

“Look out, he’s on the rebound”.

A rebound relationship is generally defined as a liaison that starts when one of the couple have come directly from another long-lasting or intense relationship and have jumped into a new pairing without having emotionally recovered from their last break up.

Why does this happen? Popular wisdom suggests that the rebound relationship shields the person who fell out of the broken relationship. It can certainly cushion their fall, allowing them to have to concentrate on something new and exciting, rather than the pain of past failure. The rebounder’s new relationship is not complicated by the issues that caused their previous one to collapse. It saves them from spending this difficult and sad time alone at home, staring at the wall and reading Paulo Coehlo. Instead they can spend it in the warmth, comfort and excitement of their new partner who makes them feel good, sexy and lovable. The rebound certainly provides more comfort than chocolate or a cat.

But without addressing the issues that led to the collapse of the previous relationship, without fully accepting the previous relationship is finished, can the new pair never really make a fist of the new relationship? Relationship advisors often suggest that these new relationships are just a short-term fix and ironically, when the rebounder is starting to feel better again (often with the help of their new partner) they move on.

A person on the rebound is not an easy partner. They’re not in a good position to make sound decisions about the future and may jump into an intense relationship without thinking about the future very far ahead.

So what do you do if you’re in a relationship with someone on the rebound?

Rebound relationships aren’t definitely destined to fail, but it can make things more difficult and will require patience on your behalf. Don’t force the relationship to go too fast, and if the rebounder quickly tells you he loves you or wants to always increase the intensity of the relationship - take it with a grain of salt.

You need to control the pace of the relationship and let it grow healthily. Spend time getting to know each other. That way, when the initial excitement is gone or when problems arise, the rebounder won’t be so eager to bounce off into their next relationship.

Give your new partner the time and space he needs to get over his previous relationship. Remember you cannot make someone love you.
But these words of warning do not mean that these relationships won’t work out in the long-term. It does mean you need to be cautious, patient and understanding.

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